


barely surviving

by yowhaspoppin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, I suck at tags, Kinda Crack, Multi, jeankasa solidarity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-06-02 07:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19436452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yowhaspoppin/pseuds/yowhaspoppin
Summary: yet another chatfic! i forget how to write summaries in the time i haven't written, but! i offer thee a pure chatroom, only t for some language. it's not really ship-centric, but i have included the ships that are basically touched on throughout. i have no idea if i'll ever update my other fics, please don't kill me :)





	1. in which the chat begins

_ Eren Jaeger has added Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Reiner Braun, Sasha Braus, Bertolt Hoover, Annie Leonhart, Historia Reiss, Connie Springer, and Ymir to the chat _

_ Eren Jaeger has named the chat ‘barely surviving’ _

__

**Connie:** yooooooo

**Armin:** Why would you ever put Annie and Mikasa in the same group chat, Eren?

_ Mikasa Ackerman has added Jean Kirstein to ‘barely surviving’ _

**Jean:** hey wifey, mwah

**Mikasa:** hey hubby, mwah

**Eren:** goddammit

**Eren:** also, armin, are you like, okay, with this

**Armin:** They’re joking. 

**Armin:** If I knew they weren’t, I would’ve castrated Jean already.

**Sasha:** oop

_ Eren Jaeger has kicked Jean Kirstein from ‘barely surviving’ _

_ Mikasa Ackerman has kicked Annie Leonhart from ‘barely surviving’ _

**Eren:** mikaaaa

**Mikasa:** if annie stays, jean stays

**Mikasa:** non-negotiable

_ Eren Jaeger has added Jean Kirstein and Annie Leonhart to ‘barely surviving’ _

**Annie:** will you please stop spamming my phone

**Connie:** f

**Sasha:** f

**Reiner:** f

**Annie:** i’m changing the lock to the apartment, only bertolt and mina have redeemable qualities amongst the disgusting human race

**Armin:** And me too, right?

**Annie:** i

**Annie:** ofc

**Jean:** we’ll all die then, ig

**Jean:** if bert, armin, & mina are the standard, then we’re screwed

**Eren:** i brought ou back!

**Eren:** eat shit & die smh

**Armin:** You spelled “you” wrong.

**Eren:** smd 

**Jean:** first of all, that’s mikasa’s job

**Jean:** secondly, i could literally point out who’s who without the contact names

**Jean:** armin’s always proper, eren’s always angry, and s&c are absolute dumbasses

**Connie:** hella rude 

**Sasha:** yeah, smh

**Sasha:** btw wheres bert? Lol

**Armin:** Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie always go offline at the same times. I have a feeling they, you know…

**Armin:** ...actually talk to people. And live their lives. 

**Connie:** wack!!

**Reiner:** ^

**Eren:** i thought yu left dude

**Mikasa:** sorry, everyone, eren’s having a little trouble spelling today, so if his awful grammar gives you an aneurysm, feel free to bill him.

**Sasha:** i had an anyusrsm trying to read that word

**Bertolt:** literally what is happening,,,


	2. in which they scheme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you should be concerned for the wellbeing of sasha's brain cells

_ Historia Reiss has added Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Sasha Braus, Hitch Dreyse, and Annie Leonhart to the chat _

_ Historia Reiss has named the chat ‘operation power couple’ _

**Historia:** now

**Historia:** you may be wondering

**Historia:** what exactly is operation power couple

**Historia:** we are all united here for some girl talk

**Sasha:** but armin

**Annie:** he classifies

**Annie:** now let the girl speak

**Annie:** i’m watching a movie w reiner

**Historia:** we all know the crisis that is eren and mikasa’s love life, correct?

**Hitch:** yikes,,,

**Armin:** A crisis is an understatement.

**Armin:** Last week, they shared a milkshake. Giggled. Cuddled. 

**Armin:** And when I asked Eren about it, he claimed it was 100% platonic.

**Sasha:** planetonic my ass

**Hitch:** sash that’s not

**Hitch:** nvm

**Mikasa:** why are we invested in my love life

**Mikasa:** if hitch hasn’t even talked to marlo about new year’s yet

**Sasha:** o damn

**Armin:** She has a point.

**Armin:** But we should focus on the task at hand. 

**Hitch:** ^^^

**Sasha:** hitch your opinions are now rendered invalid

**Annie:** ^

**Mikasa:** tragic

**Historia:** so 

**Historia:** i was thinking

**Historia:** ice skating with the gang to start?

**Mikasa:** but i don’t know how to ice skate

**Hitch:** exactly!   
  


**Armin:** That’s perfect.

**Mikasa:** i don’t 

**Mikasa:** what

**Sasha:** they really are big dumb

**Annie:** sasha please

**Annie:** im getting a headache

**Armin:** I think that’s a great idea. Who would we invite? Everyone from ‘barely surviving’?

**Historia:** &hitch

**Hitch:** there’s a gc without me?

**Mikasa:** tragic

**Hitch:** jfc mika 

**Historia:** no objections?

  
**Historia:** then we can proceed with the first mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first time i went ice skating, my friend had to drag me around the rink smh
> 
> prepare for shenanigans in the next chapter


	3. in which we pray

_ barely surviving _

**Sasha:** aight bois

**Sasha:** we goin ice skating

**Ymir:** rad

**Reiner:** when, sis

**Bertolt:** please never ever say sis again

**Eren:** yeah its uncanny

**Historia:** free skate, by the library, this saturday

_ Historia Reiss has added Hitch Dreyse to ‘barely surviving’ _

**Hitch:** you bitches forgot me

**Jean:** eren’s fault

**Connie:** who tf is hicth

**Connie:** hith

**Connie:** bitch

**Sasha:** she’s my neighbor

**Annie:** my fav slut

**Ymir:** hottie

**Mikasa:** sis hates me

**Hitch:** i don’t hate you bitch

**Hitch:** i am jelly tho

**Hitch:** ur dummy thicc

**Mikasa:** thank u mwah

**Bertolt:** this chat makes my brain hurt

**Historia:** everyone shut up for a quick sec 

**Historia:** who’s going?

**Hitch:** me & annie

**Reiner:** i’m driving bert, sash, & connie 

**Sasha:** thank u baby!!!!

**Bertolt:** she

**Bertolt:** wha

**Historia:** cool cool, im taking ymir

**Armin:** Do I really have to participate for this mission?

**Armin:** Because I’m going to end up screaming at them.

**Sasha:** we need ur thique brain cells

**Historia:** ^

**Historia:** mikasa & eren, are you going?

**Eren:** sure, sounds fun 

**Mikasa:** ig

**Mikasa:** i cant believe youre doing this to me

**Historia:** ;)

**Sasha:** bc we love u but ur kinda dumb lol

**Ymir:** hisu, u’ll explain later right

**Historia:** ofc ily

**Reiner:** why do you never say ily to the rest of us :’0

**Ymir:** back off salty

**Reiner:** stinky lesbian

**Armin:** Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

**Hitch:** how did you type that so fast

**Connie:** what in the fcuk

**Annie:** he has a shortcut on his phone. 

**Annie:** eren’s on the receiving end most of the time

  
**Sasha:** i wish i was the dancing queen


	4. in which we bitch

_ operation power couple  _

**Historia:** so

**Historia:** that was a disaster

**Sasha:** i say we blame armin

**Armin:** Hey, who could’ve known that Sasha and Connie would’ve stolen the ice resurfacer?

**Hitch:** i mean

**Hitch:** when you put it that way, it really sounds like something we shouldve considered

**Annie:** but ig it is partially jean’s fault too

**Sasha:** yeah

**Sasha:** sis really thought a lift would be good to do

**Sasha:** on a girl who doesnt even s k a t e

**Armin:** How did we not see any of this coming?

**Historia:** bertolt’s life flashed before MY eyes when reiner charged at him

**Hitch:** yeah he really needs glasses

**Mikasa:** can i just add that i talked to eren twice that whole time

**Annie:** i kept pushing you two together

**Annie:** dumbasses

**Historia:** hey at least u didnt sabotage the mission like SOMEONE   
  


**Hitch:** ok ok sorry

**Hitch:** i totally dont know anyone

**Historia:** so you like 

**Historia:** continued flirting even after you introduced yourselves…

**Hitch:** okay but how was i supposed to know that eren and aaron are the same person

**Sasha:** You What

**Hitch:** im s0rry

**Armin:** Traitor.

_ barely surviving _

**Annie:** hitch is a bitch pass it on

**Sasha:** wbk

**Sasha:** but bitch

**Reiner:** bitch

**Bertolt:** um 

**Bertolt:** jerk

**Historia:** bitch

**Jean:** bitch

**Hitch:** hisu???

**Hitch:** you too???

**Connie:** bicth

**Ymir:** bitch

**Historia:** that leaves eren armin & mikasa

**Historia:** here’s something fun

**Historia:** the last two have to go on a date ;)

**Sasha:** ; ^ )

**Armin:** Bitch.

**Armin:** Bitch.

**Armin:** Bitch.

**Armin:** Bitch.

**Armin:** Bitch.

**Annie:** ok, ok we get it

**Eren:** bitch

**Eren:** wait

**Connie:** wait hitch never said it

**Historia:** ion make the rules B)

**Sasha:** you lichrally do

  
**Mikasa:** i hate you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! this chapter was a wild ride, next few chapters aren't planned to be too shippy, but i make no promises :^)


	5. in which hoes are mad

_ operation power couple _

**Sasha:** guys omfg

**Hitch:** wtf

**Annie:** it’s literally four in the morning

**Annie:** what could possibly be this important

**Sasha:** the purpose of this chat has been fulfilled...

**Historia:** spill the beans

**Sasha:** so im sleeping over at mika’s right

**Sasha:** and shes all secretive and like wait here ill be back

**Sasha:** but i have to pee so i tiptoe out

**Hitch:** you could have just 

**Hitch:** nvm continue

**Sasha:** ok so then i see mikasa going to the little corridor window 

**Sasha:** so i was curious

**Sasha:** and then flippin eren pokes his head thru the window 

**Historia:** did they kiss or sum

**Sasha:** duh

**Annie:** i cant believe it

**Hitch:** r you sure you werent hallucinating?

**Sasha:** no im dead serious

**Sasha:** ask her

**Historia:** imma spam her brb

**Mikasa:** wtf sash 

**Mikasa:** we were gonna spill the beans in reg chat tmrw

**Hitch:** we got a deluxe orwview

**Annie:** what in the fuck is that

**Hitch:** *preview

**Armin:** Congrats, Mikasa. Now all of you shut the fuck up, I have an exam in the morning.

**Historia:** studious bitch

**Historia:** i could lichrally bribe someone to make you pass 

**Armin:** Rich bitch.

**Historia:** u mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grammarly is screaming at me after this chap


	6. in which we fret

_barely surviving_

**Eren:** um so

**Eren:** mikasa & i have an announcement

**Connie:** you’re pregnant

**Sasha:** you’re getting married

**Jean:** you’re breaking up

**Eren:** excuse me?

**Eren:** i was gonna say dating but

**Eren:** wtf guys

**Mikasa:** sasha exposed me on another chat

**Eren:** there’s another chat??

**Historia:** girl talk, you’re not invited

**Armin:** How did I qualify, again?

**Annie:** idk 

**Reiner:** probably because he looks like those underaged anime characters

**Ymir:** u n d e r a g e d b a b e

**Connie:** how in the fcuk did you type that

**Eren:** s p a c e s

**Sasha:** w h a t t h e f u c k

**Sasha:** oh wait 

**Reiner:** congradulashuns

**Bertolt:** congrats was sufficient

**Eren:** guys the new update lets us change names

_ Eren Jaeger changed their name to ‘jaegerbomb’ _

**jaegerbomb:** what in the fuck

_ Sasha Braus changed their name to ‘prepare for trouble’ _

_ Connie Springer changed their name to ‘make it double’ _

_ Annie Leonhart has left the chat _


	7. in which bertolt becomes a snipper

_ barely surviving _

**jaegerbomb:** does this mean i can kick jean

**Mikasa:** n0

**Armin:** No.

**make it double:** bls dont father

**jaegerbomb:** since when do u have friends jeanbo wtf

**Jean:** wack

**Bertolt:** can you just change your names back??

**Bertolt:** this stresses me out

_ Bertolt Hoover has added Annie Leonhart to ‘barely surviving’ _

**Reiner:** yay!!!!!

**prepare for trouble:** reiner is just a buff child

**Annie:** what the fuck do you w a n t

**Bertolt:** please please don’t leave me alone with these savages

**Armin:** Excuse me?

**Bertolt:** sorry armie

**Mikasa:** armie—

**Hitch:** excuse me?

**Annie:** no don’t apologize to that heathen

_ Hitch Dreyse changed their name to ‘bitch dreyse’ _

**prepare for trouble:** fitting

**bitch:** sash!!

**Mikasa:** not to change the topic

**Mikasa:** but wtf is up with these names

_ Jean Kirstein changed their name to ‘frick bitches get money’ _

**Armin:** It’s me. I’m bitches.

**jaegerbomb:** armin referenced internet culture

**frick bitches get money:** bruh

**Reiner:** wack!

**Ymir:** stfu im tryna makeout here

**prepare for trouble:** tmi

**Annie:** disgustang

**jaegerbomb:** is—

**jaegerbomb:** is that—

  
**Bertolt:** i knocked him out before he could finish the unholy sentence


	8. in which we weeb

_ barely surviving _

**make it double:** so sasha and i accidentally watched all of little witch academia last night

**Reiner:** press x to doubt 

**frick bitches get money:** no it’s true, i could hear it down the street, from nine to six, it was wild

**Bertolt:** ew wait

**Bertolt:** i just did the math and it’s possible

**Mikasa:** sash was talking about this for days but i didn’t think she had the balls

**Annie:** sasha has the balls of the chat

**Armin:** Clearly it left no room for brain cells. 

  
**frick bitches get money:** why would they even watch that of all shows

**prepare for trouble:** ACK STUPID LOVE TRIANGLW   
  


**Annie:** no way, akko and diana don’t stand a chance

**Mikasa:** how,,

**Annie:** believe it or not bert made me watch it with him

**Reiner:** so you watched lwa with bertolt but you wouldnt play doki doki literature club with me

**Reiner:** f a k e

**jaegerbomb:** ok first of all the lwa ost SLAPS

**frick bitches get money:** eren what the fuck

**make it double:** there is no salvation left for sasha

**make it double:** she’s found the goldmine of akko/diana

**Bertolt:** ankko >

**Armin:** What the fuck are you going on about?

**make it double:** eren gives us your op

**jaegerbomb:** um

**jaegerbomb:** sao >>

**Reiner:** i wholeheartedly agree with that statement

**Annie:** sailor moon >

**make it double:** you only say that bc youre a sap

**frick bitches get money:** excuse me dont slander sailor moon

**Mikasa:** what i would give for sailor jupiter to step on my nose

**bitch:** damn ok i come back to this

**bitch:** are you sure sash hasnt gone into coma yet

**frick bitches get money:** i can see her crying for a new season from my window

**bitch:** why tf are you all weebs

**Reiner:** not just us, even hisu

**Historia:** damn straight

  
**Historia:** wait


	9. in which reiner is big sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a short chapter smh

_ barely surviving _

**frick bitches get money:** guys help i forgot to do the history essay

**Ymir:** what is up with you people and waking us up for the dumbest shit

**Ymir:** just do it on the bus

**Historia:** ymir this is why you’re failing gym

**Reiner:** she’s whAt

**Reiner:** you told me you’d pass gym if i told you what hisu wanted for valentine’s day

**Reiner:** i feel so lied to

**Bertolt:** top 10 anime betrayals. 

**Reiner:** n0w is n0t th e tiMe 

**Historia:** ,,,

**Historia:** ymir,,,

**Historia:** YMIR

**Bertolt:** she saw the accusation and dipped

**prepare for trouble:** SDJSJDJJ YOU GUYS ARE ON CRACK

**frick bitches get money:** we all know you’re addicted to black tar heroin stfu sash

**frick bitches get money:** bUt mY essAy

**frick bitches get money:** armin babie i’ll do anything if you help me

**Armin:** I’m holding you accountable then. 

**Reiner:** armin deprived us of our brain cells

**Reiner:** get out my face w that goo goo ga ga bs

**Bertolt:** you’re just salty you’re single

**Reiner:** that is 100% accurate and i don’t like it

**Reiner:** why does everyone here have a boo smh

**Historia:** wait omg

**Historia:** realizashun

**Bertolt:** everyone, even the crackheads

  
**Reiner:** like that it really do be


End file.
